She is in my trunk
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
