Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Randomize
