The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
