"it" just moved
I am spending my child support on dildos
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
