It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
