i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
