You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
