If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
