I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
