just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
