you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
