Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
