Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
