hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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