Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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