Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
