Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize