I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize