either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize