i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
