i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
