Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
