Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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