Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
