I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
