so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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