I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
