I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
