I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sobbing to NWA
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
