Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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