I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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