Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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