Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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