i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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