It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
