I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
