she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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