after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize