You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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