Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
