Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won