you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door