lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring