The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
