I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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