my being single is dangerous.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
