I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
