If that was your dad, he is hot
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
