On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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