Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That accounts for only three of the penises
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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