How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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