Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
