I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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