come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Vodka?
Forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize