You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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