Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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