you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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