we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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