i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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