This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
