Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
